Here is a bit about me, my life and the dynamic of the relationship. I’m 35, married for 4.5 years to my husband Matt who is younger than me by 8 years. Each year our marriage is growing stronger which I believe is a big part of why Polyamory works for us. When we first started dating back in February of 2010 I expressed to him that I thought monogamy was not how I wanted to live my life. I never thought that love could only be exclusive with one person for the rest of your life. I life commitment to one person is most definitely possible but how can one go the rest of their life with only one person exclusively. Not to feel the excitement and butterflies that come with getting to know someone and learning who and how they are. I expressed my desire to open the relationship at some point down the line and that is exactly what happened.
Before taking the step to open the marriage up to other people we discussed it for a few years. It was always an option that either of us could take but we just were not ready to branch out yet. Matt has chosen to not date anyone and that is ok. He can and will in the future when he wants to. A little over two years ago I built up the courage to bring another male into the relationship. I went on a few dates but never met anyone I would really click with. I had heard about polyamory and wanted to find out more information about it so I started doing some searching. I found a polyamorous group CPN in Charlotte Meet-up) that gets together for discussions periodically. So I contacted the main person of the group, Steve. I expressed an interest in learning about the different dynamics of a polyamorous relationship and told him I was coming to the next Wednesday meet-up to ask him a bunch of questions. Steve was wonderful and patiently talked to me for two straight hours of the ways of Polyamory. I spoke with some couples that were involved in alternative relationships and asked how it was working for them. I felt so excited because I was able to relate to this way of going about an open and honest relationship that can really be catered to what works best for the people involved and it was all based on being open and honest with each other.
Just as I was bout to leave a member (Mark) came over and introduced himself to me. His name was Mark and he had been a member for a few years at that point. He asked me a few questions about my situation and discussed mountain biking. Biking was something I had wanted to get into and he had been doing for awhile. A week later I saw the email he had sent me the following day after we met. He asked if I wanted to go mountain biking at an easy course called Frances Beatty Park with him. I accepted and that became our first date. We had a great time exploring the trails and getting to know a little bit about each other. That is what started the relationship between Mark and I.
From that point, it took A LOT of communication and patience as it developed into a wonderful relationship that we now call a triad. Matt (my husband) is my primary relationship. Mark is my secondary relationship. I am close, connected, and intimate with both of them individually. The two of them are very good friends but that is all.
I would like to make it clear that I did not seek out to open our marriage because I lacked anything from my primary relationship. Quite the opposite. Matt and I reached a point that we were very strong, secure, open and honest with each other that we thought we could handle anything that came our way. We didn’t know how other people would be nor could we control it. We could control our security, love, and strength with each other which allowed us to try this new way of life. Lucky for me, it really worked out. I will get into more of the ups and downs we have gone through in following posts, as well as what we have faced from society and family along the way.