I have always thought monogamy was not for me. I do not approve of cheating. I have never cheated on a partner and will never do so, but I do feel that we can safely be in an open relationship as a polyamorous couple. It takes a lot of communication and work to make it a success of course, but is well worth the effort in my opinion. Matt and I discussed opening our marriage years before we actually did it. We had to establish a strong relationship between him and I that we both felt could handle any challenge that came our way. We had to discuss our feelings about certain situations and people and how we would react when things happened. We both had to have a very clear understanding that he and I came first and our marriage was the main priority.
Honesty about our feelings and communicating in a nice manner is so important. We did a lot of talking early on and still today about how we’re feeling. Even if there is a minor issue, it could be a bigger problem down the line if not addressed. We dealt with feelings and emotions that we did not expect as well. In the beginning, Matt had feelings of jealousy and feeling inadequate to make me happy at times. This was far from how I felt and we worked through it. Once he did not feel threatened, or like I wanted to leave, he understood how strong we were and we became more settled in a secure poly life. Mark and I have our own issues which we work on separately. These are also brought up together as a group when needed.
It is important not to involve the third person into disagreements that can hurt their positive attitude. There are also times when it is helpful and even necessary to involve all 3 of us so that we can work on it together. I cannot stress how important it is to be true to how you feel and express it in a calm manner. Matt and I have been able to work through so many emotions because we don’t hide issues or concerns we have. Even the conversations that are uncomfortable have been necessary and it has made us a stronger couple because of it.
I know Matt loves me deeply and I love him the same. We both want the other partner to feel fulfilled and happy. Being poly has allowed me to live a much fuller life and has made me a significantly happier person. I do struggle with issues from time to time but overall I am grateful to be able to love more and live stronger than I otherwise would. Matt has a much happier life as well. He has made a best friend in Mark and I like watching their friendship develop. Matt also likes being able to let Mark handle some of the things he normally would not be very excited about doing, such as waking up really early to swim on the lake or travel as much as I do. Matt likes his routine and time at home to relax. Being as active as I am, makes having another partner work out well. I desire a close person to do things with and Mark is there for a lot of it when Matt either can’t or might prefer to pass. We have a good balance which we have worked hard for. This didn’t happen overnight and is still a work in progress.
With enough desire, communication, honesty and work anything is possible.